Shopping Dispute
by Agent Midnight
Summary: Sexual humor-- definite mentions of 1x2... Heero and Duo go shopping!


I rock the plastic basket back and forth as I watch him stroll through the aisles, drooling all over the shelves. Touching every damn thing that can be touched. Licking--  
  
"Damn it, Duo, stop that!!"  
  
He peeks at me and puts the item back on the shelf, disappearing behind an item rack.  
  
As I pass, I look at the wet mark he left on it. I shove it in the basket and curse every god I can think of. Duo's a nightmare to shop with, because he knows I'll say no... and then he'll go and claim it with his scent and saliva and..  
  
"Duo!"  
  
He finds this so humorous, I know.  
  
Wasting my damn money.  
  
He's gone, yet again.  
  
I find him in one section of the store, holding a thin white box in his hand, nibbling on the corner.  
  
"Duo, no... put it back! Back!" I grab at the box and tug it from his grasp. Looking down at the small colorful writing on the box, I shake my head at him. "No. No, no, no. You don't get to pick this... I do."  
  
He shakes his head at me, and points to himself.  
  
"Intelligent, Duo. Great."  
  
He grabs the box and chunks it in the basket, sneering at me.  
  
Why do I shop with the bastard?  
  
He starts to walk away, but I can't let this slide.  
  
"I should get to choose. I'm going to eat them off you!"  
  
He turns and laughs, obviously shocked.  
  
And if I want a snack, he says. God... damn it.  
  
"Strawberry." I tell him, picking up said flavor.  
  
Orange.  
  
"Strawberry."  
  
Orange.  
  
"Strawberry, damn it, Duo! Strawberry!"  
  
He storms over and we fight over the boxes for a minute. A guy watches us from a couple aisles over, lifting an eyebrow carefully in our direction.  
  
"Knock it off, bastard!"  
  
You knock it off.  
  
"Very mature, Duo."  
  
Both boxes end up in the basket. End of dispute.  
  
Gone, again.  
  
Next, I find him holding an object, fiddling with the on switch. He giggles, for lack of a better word, as it cuts on and starts to vibrate in his hands. I shake my head, take it from him, and turn it off.  
  
"And why do you need that? Am I not good enough?"  
  
He pouts and watches as I put it back on the shelf.  
  
I want it.  
  
I want it.  
  
I want it.  
  
"Find, damn it! It's your new best friend!"  
  
He smiles as I put one in the cart.  
  
I find him a second later, eyeing the whips with distaste. I grab one and shove it in the basket, watching his eyes flick with annoyance.  
  
And what do you plan on doing with that?  
  
"Try out for the jump-rope team, what the fuck do you think?"  
  
He looks a little worried now, and I have to be a little happy about it.  
  
Not one to be outdone, he storms off and picks a pair of silk-lined handcuffs from the assorted selection. He drops them in the basket and points a finger at my chest.  
  
For you, bitch. I'm gonna rule you.  
  
I roll my eyes.  
  
I stroll off, and he follows slowly behind. I arrive at my destination and pull a ball-gag off the hook, letting it dangle on my finger. Placing it in the basket, I turn and meet his startled expression.  
  
"Because you're loud."  
  
He huffs, and disappears for a second. Poof. Back. I snort.  
  
He holds up an impressively large dildo. I briefly wonder why it's purple with black stripes but as I start to contemplate this, his voice interrupts my thoughts.  
  
For when you won't put out, Heero.  
  
He just had to start it, didn't he?  
  
I move to another section of the store and return, flipping my hand over and showing him the magazine.  
  
He stares at the two males on the cover, his lips curving in a grimace.  
  
"For when you won't put out."  
  
He half walks/half jogs in the same direction I got the magazine from, and returns a second later.  
  
The cover is adorned with mini-photos of a male and female, conveniently covering up every necessary part of both the bodies.  
  
For those days when I wish I was straight!  
  
I can't stop from gaping a little at that.  
  
Duo? Straight?  
  
Don't make me laugh.  
  
I let the basket drop to the carpeted floor and move back over to the magazine section. Picking my poison, I once again return to him, showing him the cover.  
  
He gapes.  
  
I point at the two females on the cover.  
  
"Women are hot!"  
  
His mouth opens a little wider.  
  
From the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of another toy I can use against him. I snatch the cockring off the shelf and wave it at him.  
  
"For when you're not sexy!"  
  
No fair! You went twice!  
  
He stares at the cockring, and begins that you've-upset-me-look that is faker than relationships in porn movies, then shifts his weight to one foot.  
  
I'm always sexy. You never have trouble keeping it up.  
  
I smirk at him and remove all unnecessary items from the basket.  
  
We both know I won this one.  
  
He sneaks the vibrator back in when he thinks I'm not watching. I let it slide.  
  
He strolls ahead of me, and laughs.  
  
Turning, he graces me with a dark look before dancing behind the magazine rack.  
  
Only one store, Heero. There's plenty more.  
  
I pay for our items, and walk out of the store. I scan the crowd to pinpoint his location, and fail. I turn back to the store and peer behind the magazines. Hmm.  
  
Heero, come on. What are you doing?  
  
I turn and see him bouncing away from the cash register, a plastic bag wrapped around his wrist. He tucks his wallet back into his pant pocket and winks at me. His laughter is painfully cheerful.  
  
What? Come on... we need to go to the bookstore next.  
  
I sigh quietly and follow him.  
  
I hate shopping with the bastard. 


End file.
